As ratified (under duress) by the Clacks Leak Publishing Cooperative & Magical Waste Disposal, LLP
📜 Last Updated: Upon the Third Moon of Bureaucratic Indifference
I. Editorial Independence (Also Known as Chaos with Integrity)
- All writers retain full control over their metaphors, footnotes, and fireballs.
- No editor shall interfere with a journalist’s tone unless it threatens to make sense.
- All metaphors must be at least 80% flammable.
- Bribery will only be accepted in the form of rare tea, lost maps, or state secrets accidentally printed on napkins.
II. Sources, Facts & Selective Forgetfulness
- We verify all information using:
- a crystal ball,
- three contradictory witnesses,
- and a half-burned telegram.
- Whenever possible, we cite sources. When not possible, we cite rage.
- If something turns out to be wrong, we will issue a correction in the form of a sarcastic poem or baked good.
- Facts may be fictionalized for clarity. Fiction may be fact-checked for fun.
III. Journalistic Conduct
- Reporters shall not sleep with sources, unless it results in a scandal worth publishing.
- Plagiarism is forbidden unless:
- you improve the original,
- or you stole it from someone who deserved it.
- All correspondents are expected to wear metaphorical trench coats, even in emotional climates.
- Reporters must never embed with occupying forces, unless they’re embedding explosives into the narrative.
IV. Conflict of Interest (We Have Plenty)
- Editors may not write about nations they’ve previously overthrown, unless under pseudonym.
- Correspondents must disclose:
- familial ties to dragons,
- corporate sponsorships from arms dealers,
- and whether or not they once dated a war criminal.
- In cases of clear bias, writers must double down and declare it poetically.
V. Transparency & Obfuscation
- All decisions are made in a fog of ink, incense, and irreconcilable opinions.
- We do not hide our biases. We name them, categorize them, and let them brawl in the margins.
- Anonymous tips are accepted. Anonymous threats are edited for grammar and then archived for inspiration.
VI. Satire Clause (Because Someone Will Ask)
- This is a work of political and cultural parody.
- It is designed to expose power, not protect it.
- It punches up, not down — unless someone powerful has fallen asleep on the floor.
- All named characters and institutions are fictional or fictionalized. Any resemblance to real people is intentionally coincidental.
VII. Corrections & Retractions
- If we get something wrong, we will:
- acknowledge it,
- mutter darkly,
- and issue a correction in the form of either:
- an apology rendered in interpretive dance,
- or a formal addendum written in footnote hexameter.
- We do not delete articles unless legally or cosmically required.
VIII. Public Accountability
- Readers are welcome to submit complaints, questions, or rebuttals.
- These will be reviewed by our in-house ombuds-gnome, who responds based on a dice roll and mood.
- Valid concerns will be handled with care. Invalid ones will be forwarded to Miss Malaclara Weatherfax for public shaming and divination.
IX. Closing Invocation
May our satire be sharp, our sources strange, and our metaphors borderline actionable. May those who wield unjust power tremble before our pens, or at least trip over our headlines.
Signed in ink, smoke, and plausible deniability,
The Clacks Leak Editorial Tribunal