### Ratified in smoke, sarcasm, and spilt ink
_Also filed under “Dangerous Lore” by at least one minor deity_
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## ARTICLE I: NAME & PURPOSE
The official name of this body shall be:
**The Clacks Leak Publishing Cooperative & Magical Waste Disposal, LLP**
Its purpose is:
– To publish inconvenient truths, convenient lies, and morally correct exaggerations.
– To provide refuge for rogue journalists, hexed printers, and untaxed ideas.
– To dispose of magical waste generated by particularly volatile reporting.
– To operate independently of any nation, overlord, deity, or funding body except our own unresolved trauma.
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## ARTICLE II: GOVERNANCE STRUCTURE
The Cooperative shall be governed by:
1. A rotating editorial tribunal (usually just whoever’s awake)
2. A council of correspondents, warlocks, and unpaid interns
3. The Ombuds-Gnome, who settles disputes using a blindfold and a wheel of cheese
4. The Proprietor, currently **Tebbit Scorchwillow**, who holds the ceremonial Spoon of Final Copyedit
Votes are weighted by:
– Volume of caffeine consumed
– Frequency of footnote abuse
– Moral clarity (adjusted for regional instability)
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## ARTICLE III: MEMBERSHIP
To join the Cooperative, one must:
– Submit at least one piece of writing, curse, or whistleblower leak
– Swear a solemn oath to never monetize the suffering of others without satire
– Declare loyalty to no state, sponsor, or algorithm
Members in good standing shall:
– Have access to the Shared Quill of Chaos
– Be allowed one monthly existential crisis (recorded for training purposes)
– Receive tea privileges during full moons and public inquiries
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## ARTICLE IV: OPERATIONS & RITUALS
All published works must meet at least **two of the following criteria**:
– Offend the comfortable
– Confuse the powerful
– Enlighten the bitter
– Cause an institution to send a vaguely threatening letter
Editorial rituals include:
– The Daily Denial of Liability
– The Spelling Bee of Accountability
– The Sacred Rewriting of Headlines Until They Hurt Just Right™
Submissions may be offered via:
– Secure channels
– Clacks relays
– Whispered curses in a trusted alley
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## ARTICLE V: FUNDING & BRIBES
Funding shall come from:
– Public donations
– Side hustles involving semi-legal parchment smuggling
– Bribes, but **only the ironic kind** (e.g., a gold bar labeled “Don’t Publish This”)
All funds are managed by the Treasurer, who is currently missing.
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## ARTICLE VI: DISSOLUTION CLAUSE
Should the Cooperative be disbanded (due to war, scandal, or collective ennui), the following shall occur:
– All archives shall be released into the wild under an open-leak license
– The Spoon of Final Copyedit shall be returned to the volcano
– A final issue shall be published titled: **“We Told You So”**
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## ARTICLE VII: AMENDMENTS
Amendments may be proposed by:
– A two-thirds vote
– A séance with disgruntled past contributors
– A well-worded tweet that causes an uproar
Amendments shall be written in blood, red ink, or all caps.
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## RATIFICATION
This Charter was ratified by:
– **Tebbit Scorchwillow**, Editor-in-Singe
– **Miss Malaclara Weatherfax**, in a trance
– **Rumblestone Clacksworthy III**, sober for once
– And the spectral presence of **Otto No-Flash Sr.**, who exploded approvingly
_We are not responsible for the consequences of what we publish. But we are responsible for caring._
> **In Truth, Fire. In Satire, Freedom. In Publishing, Madness.**
Signed in eternal ink,
**The Clacks Leak Publishing Cooperative**