Ratified in smoke, sarcasm, and spilt ink
Also filed under “Dangerous Lore” by at least one minor deity
ARTICLE I: NAME & PURPOSE
The official name of this body shall be:
The Clacks Leak Publishing Cooperative & Magical Waste Disposal, LLP
Its purpose is:
- To publish inconvenient truths, convenient lies, and morally correct exaggerations.
- To provide refuge for rogue journalists, hexed printers, and untaxed ideas.
- To dispose of magical waste generated by particularly volatile reporting.
- To operate independently of any nation, overlord, deity, or funding body except our own unresolved trauma.
ARTICLE II: GOVERNANCE STRUCTURE
The Cooperative shall be governed by:
- A rotating editorial tribunal (usually just whoever’s awake)
- A council of correspondents, warlocks, and unpaid interns
- The Ombuds-Gnome, who settles disputes using a blindfold and a wheel of cheese
- The Proprietor, currently Tebbit Scorchwillow, who holds the ceremonial Spoon of Final Copyedit
Votes are weighted by:
- Volume of caffeine consumed
- Frequency of footnote abuse
- Moral clarity (adjusted for regional instability)
ARTICLE III: MEMBERSHIP
To join the Cooperative, one must:
- Submit at least one piece of writing, curse, or whistleblower leak
- Swear a solemn oath to never monetize the suffering of others without satire
- Declare loyalty to no state, sponsor, or algorithm
Members in good standing shall:
- Have access to the Shared Quill of Chaos
- Be allowed one monthly existential crisis (recorded for training purposes)
- Receive tea privileges during full moons and public inquiries
ARTICLE IV: OPERATIONS & RITUALS
All published works must meet at least two of the following criteria:
- Offend the comfortable
- Confuse the powerful
- Enlighten the bitter
- Cause an institution to send a vaguely threatening letter
Editorial rituals include:
- The Daily Denial of Liability
- The Spelling Bee of Accountability
- The Sacred Rewriting of Headlines Until They Hurt Just Right™
Submissions may be offered via:
- Secure channels
- Clacks relays
- Whispered curses in a trusted alley
ARTICLE V: FUNDING & BRIBES
Funding shall come from:
- Public donations
- Side hustles involving semi-legal parchment smuggling
- Bribes, but only the ironic kind (e.g., a gold bar labeled “Don’t Publish This”)
All funds are managed by the Treasurer, who is currently missing.
ARTICLE VI: DISSOLUTION CLAUSE
Should the Cooperative be disbanded (due to war, scandal, or collective ennui), the following shall occur:
- All archives shall be released into the wild under an open-leak license
- The Spoon of Final Copyedit shall be returned to the volcano
- A final issue shall be published titled: “We Told You So”
ARTICLE VII: AMENDMENTS
Amendments may be proposed by:
- A two-thirds vote
- A séance with disgruntled past contributors
- A well-worded tweet that causes an uproar
Amendments shall be written in blood, red ink, or all caps.
RATIFICATION
This Charter was ratified by:
- Tebbit Scorchwillow, Editor-in-Singe
- Miss Malaclara Weatherfax, in a trance
- Rumblestone Clacksworthy III, sober for once
- And the spectral presence of Otto No-Flash Sr., who exploded approvingly
We are not responsible for the consequences of what we publish. But we are responsible for caring.
In Truth, Fire. In Satire, Freedom. In Publishing, Madness.
Signed in eternal ink,
The Clacks Leak Publishing Cooperative