Terms & Curses

The Binding, the Blinding, and the Legally Non-Compliant Small Print

Effective Since the Dawn of Editorial Time, or Roughly 4PM

I. ACCEPTANCE OF TERMS (AND OCCASIONAL CURSES)

By accessing this site — The Clacks Leak — you agree to these Terms & Curses.
If you don’t agree, please close your browser, renounce satire, and never speak of this again.

Continued use of this site implies:

  • You are capable of independent thought
  • You understand that satire is not legally binding (unless accidentally prophetic)
  • You accept the risk of mild outrage, footnote-induced headaches, and occasional exposure to truth

II. USER CONDUCT (OR LACK THEREOF)

You agree:

  • Not to summon legal demons unless absolutely necessary
  • Not to copy content for malicious ends (but for memes? Sure)
  • Not to harass, hex, or harangue our contributors unless it’s in rhyme
  • Not to email us with “corrections” unless you bring snacks or primary sources

Any comments or messages deemed:

  • Bigoted
  • Boring
  • Badly punctuated

…may be deleted, mocked, or printed out and burned during solstice rituals.

III. INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY (WHATEVER’S LEFT OF IT)

All content is © The Clacks Leak Publishing Cooperative & Magical Waste Disposal, LLP, except where explicitly cursed.

You may:

  • Share, quote, remix or republish our work with attribution
  • Use it for academic purposes, subversive curricula, or pub arguments

You may not:

  • Pretend you wrote it
  • Put it behind a paywall
  • Train your AI startup on it without giving us shares and snacks

IV. SUBMISSIONS & CONTRIBUTIONS

By submitting to us, you:

  • Retain your rights as a creator
  • Grant us permission to publish, annotate, footnote, or dramatically reinterpret your submission
  • Accept that we may use it in rituals, zines, archives, or flame wars

We will never:

  • Sell your words
  • Monetize your trauma
  • Publish your work without consent (unless you ghost us for 17 years)

V. DISCLAIMERS (OF EVERYTHING, Honestly)

We disclaim:

  • Responsibility for emotional damage caused by satire
  • All legal liability for your decision to take us seriously
  • Any resemblance to real people, events, or government coverups (pure coincidence, obviously)

This is a work of satire, political commentary, and editorial sorcery.
If you sue us, your lawyer will lose hit points.

VI. GOVERNING LAWS (AND LORE)

These Terms & Curses are governed by:

  • The Charter of Editorial Independence
  • The Right to Mock Without Malice™
  • The Doctrine of Justifiable Disobedience
  • The Laws of Narrative Physics and Spontaneous Journalism

Any disputes shall be resolved in:

  • A neutral tavern
  • A clacks relay debate
  • Or, if necessary, an enchanted court of public opinion

VII. TERMINATION OF ACCESS

We reserve the right to:

  • Ban you
  • Curse you
  • Print your angry emails on tea towels
  • Or simply ignore you into existential despair

VIII. MODIFICATIONS

These Terms & Curses may be updated:

  • At random
  • In response to portents
  • Whenever our editorial gnome gets bored

Continued use of this site implies continued acceptance, even if you didn’t read this far. Which you didn’t.

FINAL INVOCATION

Use your voice wisely. Mock the mighty. Wash your hands. Back up your drafts. And remember: free speech doesn’t mean speech free of consequences. Especially when the consequences wear robes.

Signed in jest and ink,
The Clacks Leak Publishing Cooperative & Magical Waste Disposal, LLP