By Rumblestone Clacksworthy III, Economics & Other Hallucinations
WASHINGTON/OTTAWA/MEXICO CITY — The magnificent absurdity of modern capitalism has reached new heights as Canada and Mexico discover that “friendship” with America extends precisely as far as their quarterly profit margins, evidenced by the ongoing trade war that has somehow managed to exempt 85% of trade while generating maximum diplomatic hysteria.[1]
After Trump’s February tariff tantrum—which imposed 25% duties on Canadian and Mexican goods while theatrically exempting oil and energy because even economic nationalism requires affordable gasoline—both countries have spent months learning that retaliation is a luxury only available to nations willing to hurt their own consumers. Canada’s Mark Carney emerged as the most dramatically wounded party, declaring the end of America’s 80-year economic leadership while simultaneously depending on American markets for national survival.[1]
The delicious contradiction burns particularly bright when examining the actual numbers: despite months of diplomatic breast-beating and threats of trade war apocalypse, the USMCA exemptions mean that the vast majority of North American commerce continues exactly as before. Mexico’s President Sheinbaum even celebrated receiving “preferential treatment” from Washington while Canada’s leadership wailed about global economic rupture—suggesting that Mexican diplomats understand realpolitik while Canadian officials remain committed to performative victimhood.[1]
Meanwhile, the real story unfolds in backroom meetings between Canadian and Mexican officials who are desperately attempting to coordinate resistance to American economic pressure. These gatherings represent less strategic alliance than mutual therapy sessions for countries discovering that sovereignty is negotiable when your economy depends on a neighbor who views trade agreements as subscription services subject to cancellation without notice.[2]
Liquidity is just belief with a trust fund—and both Canada and Mexico are learning that their belief in American partnership was backed by nothing more substantial than Washington’s temporary convenience.
“If the economy breaks, sell it again.”
—Rumblestone Clacksworthy III, The Clacks Leak
Economics & Other Hallucinations
References:
- 2025 United States trade war with Canada and Mexico – Wikipedia – Wikipedia, February 2, 2025
- – Global News, August 6, 2025
[1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2025_United_States_trade_war_with_Canada_and_Mexico [2] [3] https://abcnews.go.com/US [4] [5] https://www.nytimes.com [6] [7] https://www.pbs.org/video/august-16-2025-pbs-news-weekend-full-episode-1755356197/ [8] https://www.brookings.edu/articles/introduction-2/ [9] https://www.pbs.org/newshour/show/security-expert-analyzes-fallout-of-trumps-alignment-with-putin-after-their-summit [10] https://abcnews.go.com/GMA/News/video/president-trump-returns-summit-deal-124705548 [11] https://www.bu.edu/gdp/2025/06/04/how-mexico-can-design-a-usmca-where-development-matters/