*By Rumblestone Clacksworthy III, Economics & Other Hallucinations*
***
**WASHINGTON/OTTAWA/MEXICO CITY** — The **magnificent absurdity** of modern capitalism has reached new heights as Canada and Mexico discover that “friendship” with America extends precisely as far as their **quarterly profit margins**, evidenced by the ongoing trade war that has somehow managed to exempt 85% of trade while generating maximum diplomatic hysteria.[1]
After Trump’s February tariff tantrum—which imposed 25% duties on Canadian and Mexican goods while **theatrically exempting** oil and energy because even economic nationalism requires affordable gasoline—both countries have spent months learning that **retaliation is a luxury** only available to nations willing to hurt their own consumers. Canada’s Mark Carney emerged as the **most dramatically wounded** party, declaring the end of America’s 80-year economic leadership while simultaneously depending on American markets for national survival.[1]
The **delicious contradiction** burns particularly bright when examining the actual numbers: despite months of **diplomatic breast-beating** and threats of trade war apocalypse, the USMCA exemptions mean that the vast majority of North American commerce continues **exactly as before**. Mexico’s President Sheinbaum even celebrated receiving “preferential treatment” from Washington while Canada’s leadership **wailed about global economic rupture**—suggesting that Mexican diplomats understand realpolitik while Canadian officials remain committed to **performative victimhood**.[1]
Meanwhile, the **real story** unfolds in backroom meetings between Canadian and Mexican officials who are desperately attempting to **coordinate resistance** to American economic pressure. These gatherings represent less strategic alliance than **mutual therapy sessions** for countries discovering that sovereignty is negotiable when your economy depends on a neighbor who views trade agreements as **subscription services** subject to cancellation without notice.[2]
**Liquidity is just belief with a trust fund**—and both Canada and Mexico are learning that their **belief in American partnership** was backed by nothing more substantial than Washington’s temporary **convenience**.
*”If the economy breaks, sell it again.”*
—Rumblestone Clacksworthy III, The Clacks Leak
*Economics & Other Hallucinations*
***
**References:**
– [2025 United States trade war with Canada and Mexico – Wikipedia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2025_United_States_trade_war_with_Canada_and_Mexico) – Wikipedia, February 2, 2025
– [A ‘hostile, unpredictable’ US has Canada and Mexico meeting to strengthen ties](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wttSRly3OSk) – Global News, August 6, 2025
[1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2025_United_States_trade_war_with_Canada_and_Mexico
[2] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wttSRly3OSk
[3] https://abcnews.go.com/US
[4] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9NMc4iEOEW0
[5] https://www.nytimes.com
[6] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HSbs4uhdXCw
[7] https://www.pbs.org/video/august-16-2025-pbs-news-weekend-full-episode-1755356197/
[8] https://www.brookings.edu/articles/introduction-2/
[9] https://www.pbs.org/newshour/show/security-expert-analyzes-fallout-of-trumps-alignment-with-putin-after-their-summit
[10] https://abcnews.go.com/GMA/News/video/president-trump-returns-summit-deal-124705548
[11] https://www.bu.edu/gdp/2025/06/04/how-mexico-can-design-a-usmca-where-development-matters/