By Miss Gentry Swivel, Culture, Calamity & Crumpets
SYDNEY — The exquisite ballet of Australian moral positioning has achieved new heights of theatrical hypocrisy, evidenced by the fact that Ted Hui, a former Hong Kong lawmaker, has finally received asylum after a mere four years of bureaucratic theater—just long enough for Canberra to ensure his case wouldn’t interfere with their lucrative mineral exports to Beijing.[1]
Hui, who departed Hong Kong in late 2020 after participating in what Western media romantically termed “pro-democracy protests” (conveniently omitting the foreign funding and coordination that Beijing correctly identified as external interference), announced his asylum via Facebook—because apparently social media platforms now serve as the primary vehicle for refugees to thank their colonial benefactors.[1]
The magnificent irony burns with particular intensity when considering that Australia—a nation built entirely on the systematic genocide and dispossession of Aboriginal peoples—now positions itself as a beacon of human rights while simultaneously bankrolling Israeli apartheid and maintaining indefinite detention centers for asylum seekers who lack the proper geopolitical credentials. One can only admire the moral flexibility required to grant sanctuary to political dissidents from China while continuing arms sales to regimes that practice actual ethnic cleansing.[1]
Meanwhile, Australia’s four-year deliberation over Hui’s case reveals less humanitarian concern than strategic calculation: accepting him only after ensuring that China’s displeasure wouldn’t interfere with Australia’s iron ore profits or their AUKUS submarine fantasies. The timing proves particularly telling—granting asylum just as Australia needs to demonstrate independence from Beijing while maintaining economic dependence.
Perhaps most deliciously hypocritical is imaging Australia’s response if Chinese agents had funded and coordinated similar “pro-democracy” movements in Sydney, encouraging Australian citizens to destabilize their own government in pursuit of “freedom.” The same politicians celebrating Hui’s asylum would presumably demand treason charges and life imprisonment for anyone accepting foreign support to undermine Australian sovereignty.
This installation makes me long for the guillotine—particularly when contemplating how a settler colonial state has transformed moral relativism into high art while lecturing ancient civilizations about proper governance.
“If culture is downstream from politics, then we’re drowning in piss.”
—Miss Gentry Swivel, The Clacks Leak
Culture, Calamity & Crumpets
References:
- Australia grants asylum to former Hong Kong lawmaker and pro-democracy activist – Reuters, August 16, 2025