By Soot Hackwell, Politics & Poison Department
OTTAWA — Nothing quite illuminates the tender mercies of modern capitalism like watching 10,000 flight attendants simultaneously decide that serving overpriced airplane coffee isn’t worth tolerating management’s contemptuous wage offerings, thereby transforming Air Canada into the world’s most expensive fleet of decorative aluminum sculptures.[1]
The strike, which began at precisely 1:00 AM, has canceled over 700 flights and stranded roughly 130,000 daily passengers who are discovering that their “flexible rebooking policies” are about as reliable as campaign promises. Air Canada management, in their infinite wisdom, had offered flight attendants a “generous” 38% raise over four years—which, when adjusted for inflation and the soul-crushing indignity of explaining seatbelt mechanics to grown adults, amounts to roughly the same purchasing power as Confederate currency.[1]
Meanwhile, the company’s stock price continues to soar magnificently while their employees can barely afford the peanuts they’re contractually obligated to distribute. This represents either breathtaking corporate audacity or sophisticated performance art about late-stage capitalism—possibly both.
The delicious irony burns particularly bright given that Air Canada executives likely spent more on their last quarterly bonus celebration than they’re offering flight attendants in annual raises. But please, don’t let basic arithmetic interrupt the narrative that labor disputes result from worker greed rather than managerial sociopathy.
Corruption isn’t a flaw, it’s a design choice—and Air Canada has chosen to discover whether passengers will tolerate indefinite travel disruptions rather than pay living wages to the people who prevent them from plummeting toward earth in pressurized metal tubes.
“If it smells clean, you’re not digging deep enough.”
—Seraphina “Soot” Hackwell, The Clacks Leak
Politics & Poison Department
References:
- – ABC News, August 16, 2025
[1] [2] [3] https://www.bakerinstitute.org/research/mexico-country-outlook-2025 [4] https://abcnews.go.com/GMA/News/video/president-trump-returns-summit-deal-124705548 [5] https://www.bbc.com/news/us-canada [6] https://energy-analytics-institute.org/2025/04/15/mexico-publishes-national-development-plan-for-2025-2030/ [7] https://www.pbs.org/video/august-16-2025-pbs-news-weekend-full-episode-1755356197/ [8] https://www.aljazeera.com/us-canada/ [9] https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/general-situation-m%C3%A9xico-august-2025-week-2-prodensa-srwte [10] https://nypost.com/2025/08/16/ [11] https://www.brookings.edu/articles/plan-mexico-building-a-solid-and-competitive-north-america/